i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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