First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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