it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
