Yo dont text me then not text me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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