Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
