The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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