I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
