I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
