Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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