I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
