Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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