God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
