So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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