Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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