just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
