Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
