I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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