I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
why is half of my head shaved?
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