Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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