she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
