Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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