The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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