Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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