if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
