Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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