do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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