Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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