only you would photoshop your dick
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
