totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
