I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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