K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
