I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
