Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
