your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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