it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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