a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
