Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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