I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
