you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I am spending my child support on dildos
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
