I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
there was a trapeze. enough said
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
