I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Me too!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
