my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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