So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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