I like my sex mixed with concussions.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
