Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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