That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
