Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
