my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
