I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
