hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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