Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
