My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
