our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
