Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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